Rain tracks down my cracked window pane, gusts spray droplets, pattern late summer’s dusty coating. Smears spread down, rivulets drip and drench my doubt-full mind. I’ve lain awake for weeks without sleep, sweating and stifled through each hot, endless night. Haunted by words, hunting lines of verse, hidden in sticky corners of my febrile mind.
Today, the heavy, humid weather breaks and thunder-bombs explode. Diablo’s deluge falls, oak branches crash in my neglected garden. Booms, soundwaves, bash and thrash tunes inside my skull. Few words emerge, when at length my own storm stills. My enervated voice cracks o p e n
silence splintered arrant nonsense spilt from my inept tongue
transforms and dances, flies away.
I’ve surely lost myself, not simply misplaced, hide-and-seeking, waiting soon to be found. My absence signals deep malaise: muddles, old-age strains. My dry lips purse, my/brow/frowns. Bewildered, torn, I wheeze, utter hoarse cries. Frustrated and forlorn, I sigh. Exhale tainted breath, shrink, wince, then face cruel facts, this phase precurses breakdown. Worse will come.
Drowsing in tides of grey shadows I start my doorbell streams a blackbird’s trilling tune. I rise, my knees snatch and crack, I limp through the hallway. Her smile lilts, soft and warm, light love. Her smooth hand, strokes my thin arm
her kiss sun-shines breezes over my pale skin. Beat by beat, life colours and calms again.
Image Credit: The image here is from the exhibition at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park and it is the work of artist Chiharu Shiota, titled 'Beyond Time'. Permission was sought from the organisers to publish the artist's work here.
Ceinwen lives in Newcastle upon Tyne, UK, and writes short stories and poetry. She has been widely published in web magazines and in print anthologies. She graduated with an MA in Creative Writing from Newcastle University in 2017. She believes everyone’s voices counts. Twitter: @CeinwenHaydon - Facebook: Here!