Perhaps I’m feeding my brain with a bad narrative which can be a problem / I’ve been
researching this because knowledge is power / right? / & right now I feel like any residue of
power I thought I had is draining away bit by bit by bit by
Is it true? Can words kill? (oblivion)
Stories to share & tell & tear & sell. Those dreams upstairs kissing the space.
Discard // recalibrate
When I was a child, my biggest fear was losing myself. Reality is subjective, slippery – as
elusive as narrative is subjective. If life is narrative is narrative life? I digress. I’ve known for
a long time something isn’t quite right. The change has been incremental, teeny-tiny baby
steps & the chasm from then to now is immense / it’s like there’s a switch inside me I can’t
turn off & last year I wrote in my day book Be Braver & I wanted to but looking at where I
am now, I’m more scared than ever
The trick (I suppose) is the ability to slip without falling. Unbreak or exterminate. Painful
introspection. A ghost story of sorts.
The song ends (before too long)
UK based neurodivergent writer Jane Ayres completed a Creative Writing MA at the University of Kent in 2019 aged 57. In 2021, she was nominated for Best of the Net, shortlisted for the Aesthetica Creative Writing Award and a Laurence Sterne Prize winner. Her first collection edible will be published by Beir Bua Press in July 2022.